So I am laying on my bed and I keep repeating to myself over and over and over again “You can't handle love because you are too broken.” “You can't handle love because you are too broken.” “You can't handle love because you are too broken.” As I do it I get more and more and more excited. The tension builds more and more every time I think that thought and then I cum. I probably could’ve tried to make that climax a little more dramatic, but the cumming wasn’t the point. I mean don’t get me wrong I love orgasms, but these are like orgasms 2.0, at least for me.Read More
As I have mentioned a time or five it is so difficult for me to truly surrender my desires. I have found that there is this way I am always in survival mode, so how the hell can I hold out for what I really want? How am I supposed to wait when I am just trying to get by and not have nothing? The longing feels like too much. The sadness over not having what I want feels like too much. It all just feels like too much and so I make due with like everything. I try to get by and not ask for too much and make the best of whatever seems to come along so what ends up happening time and time again is that I am always settling for these one-off experiences and that what I want never seems to come. Probably because I am expending too much time and energy on all of this other BS.Read More
A rhymy poem I wrote in the midst of heartbreakRead More
What is a love slut you may ask? For me that means that I am not picky where my love comes from. As long as it is healthy I want to eat it up. Drink it in. Bask in it. Rub it all over myself and revel in it. Despite my continual commitment to be un-brainwashed I have still been holding onto the BS notion that love needs to come from a particular person, place or thing. I have made a hierarchy of love and it fucks me up every time. I attribute this crazy notion in part to growing up watching way too many rom-coms that completely rotted my brain and in other parts neglect and abuse. It’s a killer combo.Read More
I have been told many times that it is surprising how easy it is for me to drop into sub space when I am playing with someone. It comes very naturally because I had so many years of good training from Daddy. It is so natural for me to be a sex object and I get off on it and usually the other person does too so it's great and I love giving away control in that way and letting the person have their way with me. In this context surrender feels natural and hot and intense and fun and oh so easy. I crave it. I want to do it so much.
It can also be a 180 degree turn and I can fight you like a motherfucker. I am feisty and I am stubborn and I will push back and sass you and tell you to go fuck yourself. I love to wrestle and fight. I love to push back. I love to resist. This can also be oh so fun and yet there are times it bites me in the ass. I mentioned in an earlier post that desire has never felt particularly natural to me. Even though that makes no sense because I am a human and I constantly have them all the time. I fight them. Hard. Like I am fighting for my life. Like I am the brattiest brat you have ever seen.Read More